Over the last few months I’ve shared my testimony about dating, waiting and marriage with many people. I’ve found that marriage is one of the most popular topics of discussion among adults. everyone wants to meet the perfect partner!
In my Diamonds in the rough post, (https://firechronicles.wordpress.com/2012/09/17/diamonds-in-the-rough/) I shared how I believe that God created and set apart a partner for every person. Unless God tells you to serve Him as an individual, I believe He wants you to be united in marriage and Partnership — with the Bridegroom and your spouse.
“It’s better to have a partner than to go alone. Share the work, share the wealth. And if one falls down, the other helps, if there’s no-one to help, tough! two in a bed warm each other. Alone, you shiver all night. By yourself you’re unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst. Can you round-up a third? A three stranded rope is not easily snapped.”
Ecclesiastes 4:9 to 12 [the Message]
Now that we’ve established that God wants you to be in partnership, the question remains: “How do I find Mr./Mrs. Right?“
The term “dating” has only existed for about 100 years. In the 1800’s the term “dating” referred to a brothel. the 1900’s introduced us to “courting” which was conducted in the presence of the lady’s father or another person. Courting meant that there was no physical relations in relationships until the couple got married. That meant no kissing, no holding hands, no hugs, no nothing!
In the 1930’s cars were designed and sooner than imagined there was no guardianship on dates.
Relationships nowadays has a lot of sexual tones, but one does not necessarily realize it because it has become such an acceptable part of “modern dating” and has, to a certain extend, become “expected” of relationships.
Let me make something clear — physical attraction does not set the standard for a relationship!
So, how then do you meet Mr./Mrs. Right whilst remaining physically and spiritually pure?
You might ask, “How do I meet the right person if I can’t be noticed?” Men, to you “getting noticed” might mean spending an extra few hours in the gym, and for the ladies the equivalent thereof is dressing seductively.
Dear ladies, please take note — the less clothes you wear will result in less talking and more doing on a guy’s part. don’t expect him to treat you like a lady if you don’t dress like one.
the standards you live by now will set the standards for the generations that follow you. How will you leave a legacy without conforming to worldly standards? In order to get what you want, you kneed to know what you do, and do not, want in a relationship.
Be wary of the sources you “consult” to set a “standard” of what you want or don’t want. Are your desires fueled by God’s word or infused with the world?
That which you feast your eye, ears and other senses on, will determine what your soul craves.
Any partner is like an undefined diamond. Like a jeweler, God looks at an undefined rock and recognizes the potential of the diamond within. God refines the diamond according to your need and he uses you to the purpose of His will.
Here are some basic check points for a christian relationship:
- Does he/she serve the Lord?
- Is he/she accountable to a mentor in a discipleship relationship?
- Are you physically attracted to one another?
- Is there a strong foundation of friendship in the relationship?
Also, let me clarify this — there is no such thing as Evangelical dating. If these criteria are not met in your relationship you should consult God about it. I’m not advising you to break up the relationship because these criteria are not met, but if they are, ask god how you should commit.
The second most important thing to consider in a relationship is not only finding Mr./Mrs. Right, but also BECOMING Mr. Right or Mrs. Right to that person. Are you in a discipleship relationship with a mentor that can speak into your life and help you grow spiritually?
Who are YOU? In Whom or whom is your identity based? Your identity should be found in your relationship with God. Who you are will, to a large extend, determine who you will want
The Bible gives very little advice about finding Mr. or Mrs. Right, but tells us a lot about BECOMING Mr. or Mrs. Right.
- Intentionally, on a daily basis, become the right person for your partner by studying scripture. Find an accountability partner and submit yourself to a discipleship relationship.
- Galatians 6:7 says you reap what you sow. Therefore, that which you sow while dating will become what you reap in marriage.
- 1 Corinthians 13;4 to 5 gives us nine pointers about what relationships and love should look like.
- Love honours
- Love is not self-seeking
- Love is not easily angered
- Love is patient
- Love is kind
- Love is not envious
- Love is humble
- Love forgives and does not keep record of harm
Love does not choose sides with something that’s wrong. Love ALWAYS rejoices in the will of God. Love knows no end!
Ladies, watch this space for an entry about “The List” — things to look out for in a relationship.
My prayer is that you will come to discover the diamond God has put inside of you. May you grow in spiritual understanding and wisdom. May you be romanced by Holy Spirit and the Bridegroom and may you come to know Father’s love intimately and personally. May you be engulfed by Love.